“If it wasn’t for (X), then I would do (Y)”
“Id love to join you, but I’ve got so much on today”
“I’m too tired to start that project today”
“I cant succeed because no one is helping me”
Why do we stack up the excuses about why we are unable to do something? What goes on in our minds that lead us to forming excuses”. And how can we overcome this? In this article, some of these issues will be explored.
A successful businessman once stood at the window of a skyscraper, looking down at the bustling streets below. His protégé noticed and asked, "What are you looking at?"
Without turning, the businessman replied, "I'm watching all the people down there."
Curious, the protégé asked, "What are they doing?"
Expecting a life-changing insight, the protégé waited. The businessman simply said, "They’re busy making their alibis."
Stopping excuses requires self-awareness, honesty, and commitment to change. We all tend to explain away things we don’t want to confront, but recognising this habit is the first step. Let’s look at a practical approach to breaking the cycle of excuses.
Understand the Excuse Mechanism
Excuses are often a protective mechanism. When faced with a task or challenge, discomfort or fear may trigger an unconscious reaction—an excuse. It’s an automatic response, one that keeps you in a safe, familiar zone. Often, we use excuses to avoid feelings of failure, disappointment, or rejection. It’s important to recognise when this is happening, as it can be a barrier to growth and success.
For example, telling yourself “I don’t have the time” often hides deeper reasons for inaction. The truth may be that you’re afraid of not doing a good job, or you may be worried about criticism. Addressing the real issue means acknowledging it without judgment.
Identify Patterns
We all have certain patterns when it comes to excuse-making. Maybe you tend to blame lack of time, resources, or knowledge. Start noticing these trends. Are you consistently saying you’ll start a project “tomorrow”? Do you frequently mention external factors like other people, or unforeseen circumstances?
Tracking your thoughts can help. Write down moments where you catch yourself making an excuse. Look for common themes. The more you reflect on these patterns, the easier it becomes to challenge them in real time.
Challenge Excuses
Once you recognise the patterns, the next step is to challenge them. Is your excuse really valid? Ask yourself what’s really behind the thought. By getting to the root cause, you can push past the surface-level reasoning that often holds you back.
One way to challenge excuses is to flip the narrative. If you’re thinking, “I don’t have time to exercise,” instead ask, “What small step can I take today to move toward my goal?” This shifts your thinking from avoidance to action, and even the smallest action is a step in the right direction.
Take Ownership
Excuses often involve blaming external factors. By shifting your mindset to take full ownership of your choices and actions, you’ll notice a shift in your behaviour. When you own your decisions, you’re more likely to take responsibility for your outcomes, whether they’re good or bad.
This isn’t about being hard on yourself; it’s about being real with yourself. Accepting that you control your actions puts you in the driver’s seat. You’ll find it easier to make empowered decisions once you remove the safety net of external excuses.
Develop Self-Regulation
Self- regulation plays a crucial role in stopping excuses. It’s a skill that allows you to push past discomfort and focus on what needs to be done. Start with small commitments—things you can achieve on a daily basis. It could be setting aside 10 minutes a day for a task you’ve been avoiding. The act of following through, however small, builds discipline over time. As this grows, your reliance on excuses will naturally diminish.
The key to self-regulation is consistency. Don’t wait for motivation, as it’s often fleeting. Discipline helps you to act even when you’re not feeling particularly driven, and this is where real change happens.
Your self concept.
Sometimes it can be all about how you understand yourself. We have a database in our minds of millions of experiences, often categorised, similar to a well designed library. Like all libraries, some aisles are used more than others. There is an aisle for self worth, experiences of success, experiences of failure, love, joy, embarrassment, elation…. The list goes on.
One of the key areas is self protection. If we felt pain in the past (emotional as well as physical), we store it and remember it so that we don’t make that mistake again. If we push against those memories, they push back, reminding us of the possible risks you experienced in the past. It is indeed a useful mechanism that keeps us protected, but sometimes those experiences stop us from moving forward in our lives. Will power alone may not get us there. Reviewing your database of experiences will be a useful task. NLP has a range of tools to help you with this
Rehears the Outcome
A simple, yet powerful, technique for overcoming excuses is mental rehearsal. Picture yourself achieving the result you want. See how it feels to finish that project, deliver that presentation, or reach that goal. Mental rehearsal can help you connect with the positive outcome, which can serve as a motivator to push past the immediate discomfort or resistance. There are specific techniques in NLP that can help you to get a well formed outcome and to place that experience into a compelling, future based ideal.
When the temptation to make an excuse arises, remind yourself of the long-term gain. The short-term discomfort of action will be worth the lasting benefits of achieving your goals.
Breaking the habit of making excuses isn’t an overnight process, but it’s an essential part of personal growth. It requires an honest assessment of your own behaviours, a willingness to challenge your thoughts, and the discipline to take consistent action. By taking responsibility for your choices and rehearsing success, you can stop making excuses and start living the life you really want. The power is in your hands—it’s time to own it.
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